Its hate this but I admit it, its my fault. As much as I want to make excuses, blame others or my circumstances, its 100% my responsibility for where I am in my life. Many times I have a problem with meeting the demand of this reality. For a long time I have wanted and have actually blamed others for my lack of strong deep intimate connected relationships. I have blamed others or my circumstances when s*** hits the fan. However, the truth and reality is, its my fault.
I was hit recently with this reality. As I have mentioned before, I am currently in attack mode when it comes to personal growth. I have decided that even though its going to be hard, I am going to attack truths about me that I have ignored. This past week I was hit with a truth that forced me to make a decision. Do I own this truth? Or do I ignore it, play the blame game, and make an excuse all in an attempt to protect my ego? The truth was, I don’t deal well with change when the change is outside of my control. If I am making the decision for the change, I love it, but when its not in my control, I hate it and I fight it tooth and nail.
I dealt with a change this past week that was outside of my control. I knew in my mind that I needed to have a positive attitude and not fight it. But I did what I have always done and I fought it. I complained and got fired up about it. A good friend of mine called me out about how I was dealing with this change. This person basically said they noticed I don’t deal with change well. The change sucked bad enough in and of itself, now it was even worse that someone noticed how terrible I was at dealing with it. That part sucked the most. So here I was in the middle of an opportunity to admit and attack this truth and grow from it but all I wanted to do was do what I have always done which is to rationalize like a good salesman as to why I was acting this way in attempt to protect my fragile ego.
This sucked. Truly. I hated it. After reflecting, I made the right decision. I took ownership over this flaw and admitted that I had always been bad at dealing with the kind of change that is outside of my control. It was hard. As a man, you never want to admit that you are wrong, and you never want to admit that you have a weakness. The truth is I have a lot of weaknesses. Dealing with change is just one of many flaws I have. What I learned in that moment was a few things.
The first was that in order to grow and become all that I am created to be I need to take full ownership of my weaknesses and flaws. I need to understand and admit that its my fault. No matter how hard that is, it must be done. Admitting that its my fault now gives me the freedom to grow in that area. When I don’t take ownership its impossible to grow.
The second thing I learned is that its ok to be imperfect. Its ok to have flaws. Its ok to not have it all together. I learned that my imperfection is not related to my worthiness. I don’t have to be perfect in order to do what I am called to do. I don’t have to have it all figured out in order to chase after my dreams. Accepting and admitting your imperfections is extremely powerful. Its scary to reveal who you really are to the world but its freeing.
When you admit that its your fault it gives you the power to grow and change. Every time one of these opportunities arises in your life, you have a choice. Ignore it, play the blame game, make excuses. Or you can take full responsibility and use it as a platform to grow and improve from. Your life will never move forward and you will never become the person you were created to become without taking full responsibility and admitting its your fault. I feel your pain. It sucks. But its worth it because guess what, YOU’RE worth it!