Ive determined that getting clarity is a true key to becoming the best version of yourself and to experience real breakthrough in your life. Ive talked a lot about the clarity I’ve gained since 2016 on what my life’s purpose is and what I truly want for my life. That clarity sent me on a path in 2017 towards not only living that purpose but true self development where I saw mental break through after mental break through. I realized that it was time that I attacked some demons in my life that I had been ignoring and gain clarity on why I struggled with them because they were definitely holding me back from my potential as a person.
Let me give you a real honest example of something I am gaining clarity on that is helping me to become the best version of myself:
I looked around my life and noticed that I knew a lot of people and that a lot of people knew me. I usually don’t have a bad word to say about people, I truly like people and because of that I have made a lot of friends. But I wondered why I didn’t have true, real, deep, connected relationships with people. Why have I felt the inability to build those relationships both with men and women. I hadn’t had a girlfriend since high school and I couldn’t really name a person that I would say truly knew who I was on the inside. Many people knew who I was on the outside, on a surface level but didn’t really know me and what I struggled with and why I was the way I was.
So I began searching for clarity. Why did I struggle with this? What was the root cause? Can I fix it or is it something I will always struggle with? I am in the beginning process of writing a book about first impressions because I feel like I have mastered that art but man I had far from mastered real relationships. Since High School I have “dated” many girls, usually lasting only for a month then it would end up not working. I rationalized it as I was bored, I didn’t like her anymore or whatever. But as a result of searching for clarity, I began to find the real reason. Those relationships ended because of fear. I was afraid for someone to truly know me because the only girl I ever loved would never tell me she loved me and it crushed me. Years ago I would never admit that to anyone. NEVER. Thats not manly. The manly thing is to act like a woman can’t hurt you emotionally. The manly thing is to act like you have everything under control and everything is fine. As a result I stuffed that emotion down to the point where I didn’t understand it and couldn’t articulate it. The problem is thats not truth and when you ignore the truth for long enough it eats at you alive and leaves you lonely.
Growing up I was never someone who was invited to parties or fun events with my peers. I was the kid everyone knew but no one really wanted to hang out with or get to know at a deeper level or at least thats how I felt. On the other hand I was a very determined kid. I wanted to be successful at everything I did so I put all of my identity in sports and school. Through that determination I was able to accomplish a lot. I was a top student in high school and in college. I broke almost every one of my high schools records for soccer and ended up playing for one of the top soccer programs at the college level. In that time I did everything I could to fit in because I never felt like I fit in. This caused me to change who I really was and become someone completely different. Over time I didn’t even know who Sam Vail was. I had gotten so far away from my authentic self for so long that I completely forgot who I was. Therefore no one could really know me at a deeper level, because I didn’t even know who I was at a deeper level.
While all of this was going on I put on what Lewis Howes in his new book, Mask of Masculinity, would call the “Stoic Mask.” I would never let you see me weak. I would always say I am fine or even PHENOMENAL and I would say it in such a way you’d believe me. I didn’t want to open up to anyone and tell them what was going on because well then I DEFINITELY wouldn’t be accepted by people or at least thats what I thought. I already didn’t feel like people wanted to get to know me, so opening up to them would surely end any chance I would have at fitting in. Over time, I used sports, my career, my intelligence and other things to gain a feeling of acceptance from people. What I found over this past year was that just left me empty and lonely and I didn’t want that anymore. I wanted to start building real meaningful lasting relationships with both men and women and it was time I start finding clarity. This wasn’t easy. It was hard to get to the depth of it and I am still discovering more and more everyday. Its been even harder to express in words to other people. Writing this blog is hard because now hundreds of people are going to know the real Sam Vail. But at the same time its liberating. Its truly freedom. I have become more and more ok with my struggles therefore I am becoming more and more ok with sharing them with people.
My whole purpose in sharing this story with you is to encourage you to seek clarity in all aspects of your life. This new found clarity in why I have struggled to build strong relationships with people has now given me the ability to transform that area of my life for the better. Clarity on your hearts desires, your life’s purpose, why you struggle with certain things gives you the ability to then perform in those areas. CLARITY IS THE KEY TO BREAKTHROUGH. Seek Clarity and seek it daily. Love you.